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Your Questions About Skin Care Advice Forum

Sandra asks…

Where can I find excellent skincare tips for women in their 30s?


I was at work today and during my break I read Flare magazine(march 2007). The march 2007 issue had an excellent section dedicated to skincare for women in their 30s. Where can i find more information about skincare tips for women in their 30s.

I just turned 30 and I want to take good care of my skin.

Any tips? Any great sites I can read? forums?

I heard Youthful essence is a great product and i really want to try it. Any advice on it?

jennmill answers:


Lisa asks…

I’m obsessed with my skin colour…?

I’m a black female,.. I wouldn’t say overly dark compared to some other black people but around Gabrielle Unions colour,. maybe slightly lighter. I have a major obsession with skin colour. I wish I didnt, and I wish I didnt think the way I do.. but everything around me in society proves my thoughts to be right. Now I know the whole reason that I think the way I do is because I’ve bought too much into what society considers to be ‘beautiful’ or not. I know I shouldn’t care, and I should ‘love and be proud of my colour’.. but why should I be,.. when the majority of the world looks down on it? Even my own race are searching for lighter mates,.. children etc.. My whole life I’ve been predominantly surrounded by white people.. in school and in the area i live. Saying that, I never used to have any problems with my colour throughout school. Infact, I embraced it. I was one of 2 black girls in my year and I was very popular. The white kids would comment and say that I was ‘beautiful’ or that I was ‘soo cool’. Now that I think of it, I presume it was just because it was different to them. They wernt around many black people.Infact, many of them being very naive… touching my hair one day to be confused at why it felt so rough textured compared to theirs.. and why it was ‘greasy’. I felt like I had to live up to this ‘cool’ image. I never had a boyfriend like the other kids until I fully worked my image up enough and guys became curious. Saying that, my high school bf and I were together for 4 years after that. He was Turkish Cypriot (and very popular). I don’t think he really saw my skin as an issue until I ran into his parents. OMG.Lets just say I never heard so much verbal abuse in my regarding my skin colour. I heard all sorts of things,.. why dnt you go back to Africa and f^%^ the monkeys (from his mother)…gollywog. she couldnt stand me and she didnt want him to be with me. After that relationship, in college I fell inlove with an Albanian guy. We’v been together for almost 6 years,.. but his parents will NOT accept it. his mother thinks my colour is disgusting and she wont even consider getting to know me. I’m not 2 worried about her as she’l never change. Il love and il be with whoever I want to be with regardless.But EVERYONE in society is exactly the same. Even some of my closest friends have said to me,.. ‘I’m not racist at all.’.. but in the same breath they’ll say stupid things to me like,..’atleast ur not that dark. some black people are just too dark and its just ugly.look like monkeys.’ n im thinking,.. what the hell?? or many MANY guys,.. EVEN black guys are like, ‘yeah,.. you’re about the darkest I’d go with a girl. No darker than that.’ Same things on many online forums/discussion boards. And iv noticed the difference in the way people/guys respond to me when I have a tan. I just feel so disgusting. And I now obsess over it. I’m just desperate to be lighter. I’l do anything. Its so easy for people to say be happy with ur colour, so then why put it down? Even black people who claim to be proud to be black,.. then why wear hair weaves and/or hair pieces to make your hair more european/indian looking?Why relax your hair? If you do, then you do.. heck,.. so do I,.. BUT then how can you be proud to be black? Its driving me craazzy! Ive even been obsessing over Lil Kim who’s skin colour is now how I want mine to be. And its true, her features (minus the surgery) look so much better with her lighter skin. Check her on dancing with the starz. And I always look and feel soo much prettier when I have lighter skin. Is there a permanent way to achieve this?? (I know all about hydroquinone, glutathione, alpha arbutin, mequinol, monobenzone,..) but mayb some advice on the most effective for all over body lightening. (NOT whitening) …I think everybody would want to attain Beyonce’s colour. Even Beyonce doesnt look as good when she’s really dark tanned.

jennmill answers:

In am mostly native american indian. I am also part white and a little black mixed in there . I have a problem with my color also. I look white to most people. My hair was nearly silver when i was born and my skin was do to a genetic problem nearly bluish white, my hair darkened to dark auburn as i grew older and my eyes are green with a sulfur yellow center. I have strictly native features, most people think i look weird. I hate looking white. It is an insult to me. Mostly because a distant grandmother was raped by a vicious white man hired by the white government to murder as many Cherokee women and children as he and his gang of scum could. Since that happened every generation in my mothers family has a female that looks like me.
My father’s mother Apache suffered the same fate and got pregnant with him. I never got to meet him but he looked pure indian, at least he did not have to look like one of them.

Black and brown are not as ugly as white. Epically if you have the features of your own race.

IT is sad that black people in this country hae been robed of their tribal indent. You have no idea of your right to be proud of your ancestors. Like natives here your people most likely lived in harm any with the earth and did not dis troy their endowment. All whites do is ruin everything the touch.

Their beauty lied not only with their appearance but with the wisdom they held dear. And their ability to thrive and a harsh environment. The creator endowed the black race with the most marvelous hair of all mankind. A built in air conditioner for the brain and other organs. So in its function it is a Beautiful gift. As well as attractive. I have seen people in the south who are so black their skin sparkles . It is Beautiful.

The anglos and Arin’s try to dehumanize people of color and make us feel inferior to them. But we are not. It is just their way of trying to buffer what little bit of conscious they poses. It seems to work on some.
I am sorry it has worked on you and others like you. I am old and have fi anally come to realize that your true beauty is who you are inside. And weather you are white black brown or yellow short tall fat or skinny you are Beautiful if not to man but to the Creator his master peaces of flesh and blood. And you can not love others unless you love your Creator first then yourself.

You do not have to look like the so called Superior white man to be of beauty and importance. You are that anyway and no one is better than the next. Please think about that. And never be ashamed of who and what you are. Let those who ridicule you for being dark skinned be ashamed of their ancestors and themselves and hold your head high and be a black woman. You do not have to apologize for your complexion to anyone .

Chris asks…

I’m dating a transsexual or transgendered girl. Would like advice or opinion.?

I consider myself a bit bicurious. This is my story.. [Please skip if you don’t like reading long and boring stories bro. Skip to where it says “The Dilema”.]

[How it Began]
A couple of years ago on an anime forum I met this girl who I sorta fell in love with. We always used to talk about anime and manga on the forum and eventually we exchanged IM, MySpace(that old) and phone numbers. We talked for months until she told me she liked me and well I said the same thing. She asked me for pics which I sent and she said I was cute. Then she sent me hers, she was really cute. At that time I did not know that she was really transgendered. She had been transitioning since she was 14 and at the time we first met she was 17 and I was 18. (She was 18 when we started exchanging pics, so as you can imagine she was very well developed over the years.) She started telling me about her problems at home during several phone calls I heard her get yelled at by her mom. She was eventually kicked out of her house and went to live with an aunt. I lost contact with her for 3 months. Then she called me back from a new number. She told me what had happend and confessed that she was transgendered!!!

My jaw dropped when she told me she was actually a guy. I could not believe it and initially did not believe it. She looked so cute(and was really hot), with a female’s body, 34c breast, skinny waist, pale skin, small pointy nose, girl’s face, big hips and big butt. I did not know what to do or say at the time and she sent me proof! I don’t need to tell you what proof, but you can imagine what would demystify the fact that she was actually transgendered(if you are curious she was small). My world view exploded from that moment on. I really liked her even though she was transgendered.

She told me that her mom kicked her out of her house because she hated the fact that she was transgendered. That her mom told her god hated her etc(Oh evangelical people!). This girl continued to be plagued with problems until I eventually lost all contact with her. Almost a year later when I was turning 20 she contacted me again telling me she lives in Colorado now(she lived in North California) and that she was engaged now. IDK what happend but she looks like she’s doing drugs. At that time I was also in a depression so I didn’t even care.

[Depression and Dating Again]
I got out of my depression at 21 and started college. I began to try to date again. I had limited successes and every girl I met felt too immature for me. After some time of failed local dating I took dating online. I met this cute girl from a local University(she was female and black!). We dated for a couple of months and then she confessed she had another boyfriend, but that she didn’t really like him, that she liked me more. I got mad and told her to leave him. She always said she would, but never did, so I just ended it. Months passed and I went online again, this time however I tried broadening my search for transgenered females. I was disgusted by many of my results. Too many where just in it for sex and money, same goes with regular girls. So I gave up there and found a local girl(female), which only lasted for 2 weeks LMAO! I had failed, again!

I was hopeless and went back to the websites where I had my dating profiles claiming that I would be deleting my accounts. While I was there I looked at some accounts for final thoughts and replied to them(I warned not to message me back as I was going to delete my accounts). I got some positive responses before I closed my accounts. I was talking to 2 girls in IM and 1 transgendered girl for a couple of weeks. The 2 girls, well one of them ended up being really dumb for my liking, the other was ok, but she was a Marine and was about to deploy. I continued talking with the transgendered girl and 5 months later we’re still talking.

[The Dilema]
We have been talking for a little over 5 months, she’s black and lives way out in the east coast. (I don’t have a problem with race, sorry for pointing out she’s black, I’m hispanic and have dated asian, black and caucassian only. With only 1 hispanic.. IDK why lol I am colorblind when it comes to dating). I am really liking this girl. She’s into anime like I am and into science like I am and am majoring in. We have exchanged a slew of pictures and yes you can see that she is transgendered. I really like her because she is cute and hot, but not only that she likes a lot of the things I like. It feels weird that I am liking her even though she has the same reproductive organs that I do. We talk twice a day, everyday, for the past 3-4 months. Honestly I love her and she says she loves me(she even sent me a video, telling me how much she loves me. No porno so please don’t ask to see it). I really want to be with her, but maybe carry it even further down the line. Is there something wrong with me for liking her? I don&#3
I ran out of space.

[The Dilama.. Continued]
I don’t know what to do or what my mom and sister will think of me when this girl comes over to California. She drives me crazy though! She is really pretty, has a really pretty voice, face, and she has been through a lot. She has told me about her past suicide attempts. That in highschool she had gender identity disorder and fell in a depresssion. I was in a depression during highschool too(my parents divorced, my dad had nearly killed my mom, he kidnapped me and abandonned me in Colorado. The kidnap and divorce happened actually before middle school, but it was during my early or pre highschool years when I came back with my mom.). We have connected a lot in this short amount of time(5 month span). I am really looking to find love, that’s all and she fits the bill. I would love to make this relationship happen in physical form. I still have about a year left before I graduate just needing some more Calculus and Physics classes.

Does any

jennmill answers:

TS girls are by and large very attractive, even beautiful so I can understand your attraction. I think it is important for you both to meet and see whether the online fantasy survives physical reality. Who you date is your own business so for the interim until you are certain the relationship can work I would not mention to your family that she is TS. Why? Because that will entail a completely different emotional journey that you are yet to undertake – that is accepting you are gay/bisexual. At best you consider yourself bi-curious so it is a considerable jump to thinking about anal sex to actually having it and identifying yourself as gay. It will be a testing time for both of you. Take it slowly and good luck.

Mary asks…

Would a guy thats been circumcised make you not want him for a partner when you found out?

I was circumcised at birth and have only recently become aware of the horrific act of cruelty that was inflicted on me. Because of the what the procedure it entails, it means I will never experience sexual pleasure in the way my body made to. All those errogenous nerve endings removed, nerve damged, the gliding action, dryness due to lack for foreskin protection..the list goes on on what this barbaric procedure does to its victims.

However I am currently restoring my foreskin using skin expansion techniques (which grow a new foreskin by tensioning the exisiting skin), after advice and support from internet forums. Once I have attained coverage again by growing new skin, I should experience sexual pleasure of about 75% of what I should have had, although some say once you have restored it puts you back into the natural spectrum of sensitvity and pleasure. It is also said impossible to tell the difference between intact and restored to a non medical person in that field. It is argued whether you can grow back the lost nerve endings but the normal functions of the foreskin are put back into place by restoring.

The guy I was in love with, didn’t want me back. But if he had, I am very sure he was intact, would he not have wanted me for this reason if he had been interested, and did care about me? If I restore to a near normal apperance, would it still bother a guy who I was with (I only want a long-term relationship) and cause him to not want to be with me, because I was damaged? Many people say I am good – looking, and I always try to be a good and kind person, its unexplainably devastating that this life-changing procedure was done to me without my consent 🙁
What people don’t seem to understand that this “obession” is not something as superfical as how it looks. It about the vast difference in pleasure and sensitivity between having a foreskin and not, and its effect on intercourse during the act and climax is supposed to be incomparably better, “like a symphony of sensations” a guy who was cut at birth can never comprehend..until he starts to restore that is. My main issue is that the guy I’m with will see I am not enjoying it anywhere near as much as he is, and I will feel isolated from him in a way..

jennmill answers:

I dont believe you. This is a foreskin restoration rant. Your parents gave you a gift when u got circumcised as a baby. Restoration wont restore the foreskin. It will make your circumcision looser. To be perfectly honest, i dont know why you would want back a foreskin. I had one for 59 years and it was nothing but a pain and you know where. I am so much happier without it.

I think your ex lover was just using this as an excuse. No one leaves someone because they are circumcised or uncircumcised.

Http:// support group. Over 2000 men circumcised as adults with no complaints


helmets rule

Michael asks…

Thinking about suicide?

I’ve recently been thinking about suicide. The only thing holding me back is not wanting to hurt my friends and family.

I know this may seem selfish and trite to most, but I just realized that I ruined my skin through excessive tanning bed use. I’m 32 now, and can already see the damage. My skin has become dry, itchy and wrinkled. I destroyed all of my collagen, so my skin has lost the ability to retain moisture.

I am a narcissist. I spent the last 15 years of my life taking care of my health, eating right, working out, etc. I guess I’m also a hypochondriac, because from what I hear online, I can expect to be a wrinkled bag with skin cancer in another ten years. This has severely hampered my ability to have any kind of positive outlook for the future. I am not married, and have no children. Rather than prolonging my mental anguish, I have started to seriously consider suicide.

I know that there are people out there who thinks this is selfish, but I can’t help it. I tend to focus on the negative, yet I’m very perceptive. There are clues all around us. I always tried to be superman. The last time I watched it, I realized that my kryptonite is the UVA radiation that these tanning coffins are responsible for. There is even a reference to indoor tanning in the movie — the scene in Lex Luthor’s underground compound, where his girlfriend is suning herself artificially. Do you see how being overly perceptive can create so much anxiety? Not to mention the movie tiTAN-ick, which was another clue from god, telling me to stop trying to be mr. shallow mr. america.

All I see is cancer and dying. My father died of lung cancer, and I saw first-hand the agony he went through. It’s just sad to think that I might make all of my dreams come true, and come so far just to go out like that. I can’t get it off my mind. I can deal with having a bad day, failing an exam, or losing a job – no problem — I’m healthy and smart. But it was a bombshell to read what I have from the internet. Now I just live day to day because I have lost all of my self-esteem. I am not comfortable in my own skin….literally. I always felt like my fair skin was a curse..people always telling me how I looked better with a tan, or needed to get some sun. Ignorance. But maybe I would have killed myself anyway, from lack of UV radiation, due to Seasonal Affective Disorder.

My question is this — Is it worth living if you have no self-esteem? Is it more selfish to want someone to live, even if they want to commit suicide and reside in their dreams? After all, you can’t love others if you can’t love yourself first. Because all I want to do now is sleep. When I’m awake, I drink too much. I am smart and capable, but I don’t know if I’m smart enough to reverse premature aging and terminal illness. Plus the issue of god’s clues that I wasn’t smart enough to recognize in time. Maybe I’m hell-bound.

If anyone out there can offer some advice or point me towards a more suitable, professional forum, I would greatly appreciate it. I’m hoping that there will be someone out there that I can relate to.

Thank you.

jennmill answers:

I understand what you are going through, I went through something life altering myself, but I have a few questions. You said that you read what you have online… Have you seen the doctor and been diagnosed by a DOCTOR?

You can’t go around giving yourself a death sentence ESPECIALLY if you never went to the Doctor… You have already stated that people love you… Hold on to that and as far as marriage, it can happen! Believe me when I say that!!

Don’t give in and don’t give up, if you are religious then you need to get on your knees and have a serious talk with the man above, the creator can and will make it alright!

If you need to talk email me at

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